The Secret to The Revolution

A few months ago my roommate gave me this little journal, "The Planner Only For Revolutionary Projects" with the subtitle that reads "112 blank pages waiting for you" and so I waited. I waited to fill the pages with ideas of social justice, world peace, and freedom. Over the past months God's been revealing the true secret to revolution (or at least my revolution), and it is a little unexpected...

It was about 3 years ago, in my college dorm room that I first watched Brene Brown's Power of Vulnerability TED Talk. I remember tears in my eyes, thinking, "If I really apply these lessons, my life will be compelled to change." Simultaneously, I remember thinking the terrible, but brutally honest thought "Well, I will deal with that later." I guess that you could say I had a chronic avoidance of telling the whole truth. I was a master at feigning vulnerability. I told just enough so that it seemed like I was being honest. There were difficult things that I was willing to share with those close to me, but there was a sinking feeling in my stomach when I thought about "those things" that I did not want to share. That deep brokenness and darkness that we all have but never want to admit. (As you read this I'm sure you are thinking of something too). These are the things that we can cover up in day-to-day life but, here is the reality... without realizing it we are living with out being truly known and  believing lies about ourselves that we have internalized.

I knew these truths and I knew that I had to be able to be completely honest with someone. Thankfully, I have those friends. But here is the scary truth, I was not even honest with myself about my own darkness. I had masked it as "not a big deal".

In Japan, I live in a culture of hidden realities, secrets, unspoken norms, and a deep fear of being exposed. Without even knowing it I had been living the same way for most of my life.I knew that I was forgiven by God, but I still had some fear of being exposed.

In mid-December the walls came crashing down due to my own mistakes (that I won't publish on the internet but am willing to share with you personally, if you would like to know). I had come to a pinch. At that moment I realized I could not avoid this vulnerability anymore. I wrote in my journal a list of my options: lie, tell a half truth and pretend that it is enough, or run away entirely. It seemed my only morally upright choice was to tell the whole truth, and OWN my vulnerability and shame. 

Courage is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. 

This began a journey of fighting with God about whether or not I really had to face vulnerability, whether or not I was ready to share with my whole heart. The conclusion: It is time to own my brokenness, and boldly share my darkness with others.

Vulnerability is not just sharing your darkness with lots of people. It is accepting God's shaping hand to expose you, change you, and cover you with life altering grace. It is telling the right people. 

This is the point where a beautiful truth gives freedom. God already knows all my brokenness and darkness. He knows it so fully and yet he chooses to still love me. It is because He knows my brokenness fully that his love has power! If someone loves you but does not know the truth about you, is it really love? But if they only know the truth about you, and do not love you in that, it is devastating. So we must have both truth and love. This is the most profoundly beautiful thing in the world.

If I want to be truly loved by my teammates, family, boyfriend, and friends then I must let them see the real me. Brene Brown says it so well when she says:

“In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.”

So I have begun, begun sharing the real me. (Again, this does not mean sharing with everyone, it means sharing with the right people). Every time, without fail, since I have owned this vulnerability and shared it with others, they reply by opening up about their own brokenness. They have said things like "Me too..." and "I don't have the same experience, but this is my brokenness". Vulnerability begets vulnerability. 

I write all this, not because I am a vulnerability expert, but because as much as I fight against it (I still am, by the way), I believe that is the key to truly living. I believe this is the key to true love. I believe this is the key to deep community. Vulnerability unlocks what we have hidden in the darkness, it brings it to the light, and takes away the power that it holds over us. What lies in our darkness holds power over us and allows us to live in fear and shame, but if we bring it into the light then we have power over it.

Courage is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Will you tell your story?

Reflections from Golden Week

I live in one of the most populous metropolitan area in the world, Tokyo.  I live in what my friends describe as the "Country side" but coming from the Mountains of Virginia, I laugh hysterically when they say that!

I do live in the suburbs, many of my neighbors are farmers and we even have a small plot of land, and the quiet and cool of the evening is extremely peaceful. The sunsets behind Fuji, and the endless blooming flowers are soothing for my soul.

Enjoying the sun at a local park

Despite the "country side" feel of the Tama area, where I live, I am only a one hour train ride from largest and busiest train station in the world, Shinjuku. That being said, I go there about once a month and from their transfer to other train lines and explore different parts of Tokyo.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to explore many new parts of Tokyo that have opened my eyes to new aspects of this culture, and has revealed some of my new favorite hang out spots.


I want to share some of these new experiences and places that I have recently enjoyed.

The first week of May was "Golden Week" which is a week long holiday, meaning that the students and working people all have about 3 or 4 days off. It was a nice rest time and travel time for me, my team, and out Tokyo BEST friends.

Every year, during Golden Week, Tokyo BEST takes a trip called "Random Trip". We all enter the name of a station that we have NEVER visited, and then using a random dice app we choose a random location and all head there! The first Saturday of Golden Week, we set out to Tsukishima and Daikanyama.

A local man going for a walk with his tortoise!
The highlight of the trip for me!

Of course, we took a selfie with the turtle

Tsukishima is known for it's famous fried pancake kind of thing, that is more like stew that you fry in a skillet. But what made it outstanding to me was the man that we found who was walking his tortoise! Yes! He was taking his tortoise for a walk! We enjoyed meeting the young guy who was only 12 years old, and we even got to touch him.

Stylish Cafe and shop area in Daikanyama

Interestingly I had enjoyed going to Daikanyama just 2 days before Random Trip with my friend Hikaru. It is the most stylish part of Tokyo that I have visited! So fun! It is one of my new favorite places. Though clothes and accessories are expensive cafes tend to be reasonably priced. With Hikaru I visited a 2 story, 3 building wide book store! It had extensive English sections and so that was a lot of fun!







On Sunday, with my teammates we took a trip to Chiyoda, in the heart of the business district, for a art museum trip and walking around the Imperial Palace. This was a very professional area of Tokyo, and different from the stylish part I had seen the day before.

Carrie at the Imperial Gardens with the skyline in the background.

Monday, I went with two friends, Sayoto and Ryoko, to Kichijoji, another stylish part of town that had a cool salad restaurant, a lovely park, with a beautiful temple, and interesting cute cafes and international shops.

Sayoto and Ryoko at the park

This earthy cafe was our mid-afternoon snack spot!

My housemates: Maina, Kanako, Carrie, and Miyo

The next day, Tuesday, I went outside of Tokyo, to the prefecture next to Tokyo, Saitama, to see a beautiful flower park/festival that was happening for Golden Week. This was a "Share House Trip" for all 5 of us who live together! It was a joy to relax and have fun together!
We saw amazingly beautiful flowers, did wine tasting, made flower crowns and laughed lots as we enjoyed being in nature.

Running in the grassy field was such a joy! 

All in all I enjoyed my Golden Week adventures and the opportunities to see many new parts of Tokyo! This city is truly endless and so diverse! I love that!

Spring Recruiting

When I say "recruiting"what comes to your mind?

Maybe the recruiting of players for a sports team. The players work extra hard to be seen by the recruiter who chooses them and calls them out. Maybe you think of sorority or fraternity recruitment, where the Greek organization holds events and interested members come. Well, we have just finished the height of our recruiting season for Tokyo BEST club at Chuo University.

Recruiting for clubs ("Circles" as they are called here), is nothing like anything I have ever experienced before. There are 2 days where the new freshman come for advising meetings, welcoming ceremonies,  and scheduling and during those brief moments on campus all the different circles prey on the freshman promoting their club by handing our fliers, laughing, walking and talking, playing their instruments, and trying not to disappear in the crowd of other circles!! There are probably about 100 clubs all handing out fliers, chatting, and chasing after frightened freshman telling them about their club! Each club is almost begging each freshman to join their circle!

Crowds of freshman and club representatives!
This wasn't even the most crowded time!
The goofy guy waving became a friend and was representing a sports circle. 

Lacrosse bros and American Football players prowl, tap dancers flash bright smiles and dance, accapella groups try to raise their voice above the mayhem. The kicker for Tokyo BEST is that we are foreigners and we speak English! This makes us stand out in a unique way!

I started by saying "Goodmorning!" and handing the freshmen a flier. The different reactions I got were amusing. Some girls giggled uncertainly, looked at their friends and kept walking, some guys did a double take, some responded right away with a  peppy "Good morning" but kept walking and others turned, engaged in conversation and some of those friends are still coming to BEST club events! 

Elsa and Yuka were a great recruiting team!
Yuka was, of course, able to explain BEST club in Japanese, which I can't do! 

Big gang hung out at our house after recruiting! We were exhausted!

It seems like it would be fruitless and that the startled new students with their wide eyes and awkward smiles would just throw away the stack of fliers that they had somehow accumulated in the first 23 minutes of being on campus, but they don't! Amazingly I met freshman after freshman who came to our English Lunch Table, or our BBQ (pictured below), or Friday discussion, who say that they came because they got a flier during the mayhem of those recruiting days! How Amazing!

We had over 58 freshman and about 100 people at our welcome BBQ! The cloudy day didn't keep people away! 

And the dust has hardly settled!! We still have new people coming to our weekly events! Please keep praying for BEST club freshman! In the next few weeks we will see who stays and becomes a committed member of our community! May 13th- 14th we will have a "Welcome Camp" to welcome new freshman, officially, to BEST club!

Snowboarding

Hello everyone! It's been a while since I posted, of course lots of things have been happening, but most recently we went on a BEST club trip to Nagano Japan to go Snowboarding!

はじめて! (Hajimete - My first time!)

Here are a few photos and stories from the great time that we had together on the trip!! I am so thankful for the time and so thankful that I was able to grow closer to many students during the trip!

First, we left Tokyo at 9pm and rode through the night! Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep, but we hit the slopes at 9am the next days, amazingly, with no coffee!

We took the night bus from Tokyo to Nagano!

Fun in the snow!

This was my first time snowboarding, but I enjoyed it significantly more than I expected! The best part was being with these friends and being able to get to know them better! Trips like this bring us together significantly more than our regular weekly activities in Tokyo. Everyone seemed so cheerful on the slopes. It helped that the sun shone the whole time!

Waiting for the gang at the top of the slope before we all headed down together for the last run. 

One of my favorite parts of Tokyo BEST trips is what we call "Pair Talks". We are paired with another member on the trip and we talk and get to know each other for about an hour or more! It seems like it could be awkward at first, but it actually isn't! It's truly fun to get to know what another are passionate about, worried about, and our hopes and dreams!

One of my pair talks was a walking Pair Talk with Rina!
We got ice cream and talked about travel and relationships. 

At the top of the lift we paused to take silly photos, while enjoying snowball fights, and the beautiful mountains

We stayed at a traditional hotel that had tatami mat (bamboo) floor, and a natural hot springs bath. The hotel provided a Yukata (pictured below) for us to wear after we took our baths. It was relaxing and I kept saying "I feel so Japanese"! 

Rina, Elsa, Abbie, Adam, and Carrie, relaxing after the hot springs. 

The beautiful mountains reminded me of Virginia! I was constantly in awe of them.
Photo Credit: Chiba Yohei

The consensus: I'd love to try again! I'm so thankful for my chance to get to know Tokyo BEST members better! Here's to many more adventures!

Identity

"What is your root? What doesn't waver in your life even when you experience changes?"

This was the question of our discussion on Friday night. 

At our weekly BEST club meeting we played games, students practiced English, and we had a discussion about identity. We talked about how we can know who Jesus is, and we discussed our own identity. 

My group talked about the idea that at different points in our life we have different "identities". It is like our life is a tree and each phase of life is a different branch. But there is something that remains constant in each phase of life - the root - that is our identity. What is my root? What is the thing that does not change even as my life branches out and grows? 

Mount Fuji is one of the ways that God reminds me of his love for me.
This photo was taken a few weeks ago on our way home from Shizuoka. 

One student shared that his identity is to be a hero for those around him, another shared that hers is to be a joyful person who never gives up! What inspiring friends I have! I shared that my identity is a person who is loved by God.

I've continued to think about this. The one thing that does not change in my life is that I am loved by God. As I learn to live in a new culture, and have a new job, new friends, a new language to learn, new mailing address, new mode of transportation, new everything, it is so crucial that I remember the one thing that can't change, the one thing that can't fail, even when I do! I'm loved by the creator God. That gives me stability and purpose no matter which branch I'm currently growing.  

So, friends, what is your root? What doesn't change even when you or your circumstances do?

View of Fuji from my neighborhood on a clear December afternoon. 

Aspirations for 2016

HAPPY 2016 from Tokyo! (A little late in coming, I know) It has been a joyous holiday season here, though it feels very different from the way holidays "feel" in the US. There are so many fun things that have been happening in the past few weeks, but I'd just like to share about my hopes, dreams, and aspirations for 2016. 

The past week I was spending some time praying and God brought this prayer to my mind "Jesus, please let these be 'my people'"! When ever I am in a strong community, I often feel a sense of those friends being "my people", and I really desire that BEST club feels that same way! 

In our staff meeting this week my boss asked, "What are your personal aspirations for 2016?" 

I responded, "I want Japan to feel like home!" 

I think that is already starting. 

Here are some photos of our recent activities, and friends who are starting to feel like home. 

Me and Carrie (Right) with our friend Ryoko

Ryoko took us to the Edo-Tokyo Open-air Architectural Museum.
Here we are posing to represent our favorite phrase "Oh dear!"

My Housemates (left to right: Elsa, Kanako, Maina, Miyo, and Carrie).
This picture was taken our Christmas Day trip! 

My teammates Carrie, and Adam with the Rood family: Kayla and Josiah
We were on our way to Shizuoka, city in the south of Japan. 

Shizuoka is an extremely beautiful city

Our first picture of 2016! We had a share house party to ring in the New Year!
Here (left to right): Maina, Elsa, Ryo, Carrie, Adam, Chiba, and Yushin

I got a bike (and what that means)

What a feeling; to have the cool wind across my face and my hair blowing behind me! I feel powerful! Yep, that is how I feel riding my "new" bike around my neighborhood in Hachioji City, Tokyo. 

I haven't riden a bike for many years, and so I was repeatedly yelling "Metcha Kowaii" (Which means, "very scary" in Japanese slang) on my first ride home. Over the past 24 hours I've gotten a little more comfortable with the bike and I look forward to not being at all afraid of the ride. 

So what does this mean? First, I think this is a mile stone in my life in Japan because I am now a little bit mobile! Second,  it might means that I fit in just a tiny bit more, because many Japanese ride their bikes everywhere, weaving through pedestrians and other bikers.   

My bike, which doesn't have a name yet!
Any suggestions?